Hello followers and friends,
Maybe some of you have been waiting since I last announced on Facebook why I would want to go through the sacrifice, time, finances, and so forth to become a doctor. I must say, it definitely took some convincing on my end to really make this decision. In other words, it DEFINITELY is NOT an easy decision.
So, why a doctor? Well, I first received this personal revelation when I was in my teen years. It came to a shock to me that Heavenly Father would desire me to obtain these medical skills. I let the thought of going to school to become a doctor ride out in my mind and since then fell in and out of the idea of pursuing this. In other words, I put the whole revelation aside and pursued other parts of the medical field like Nursing. I didn't ever attend the nursing program of course; but, I do have two pre-req semesters for the nursing program accomplished which may tell you how serious I was in becoming a nurse all the while maintaining a 4.0 GPA and continuing to be on the Dean's part time student list. I was serious and really dead set on becoming a nurse. Throughout my life so far as I reflected on my patriarchal blessing and relied on my prayers, I kept receiving this distinct feeling that I needed to become a doctor in a specialty preventing and being able to treat disease.
Why did I keep pushing it off and denying this revelation if I knew Heavenly Father was the one blessing me with this feeling and thought?
Well. I tend to second guess myself and others intentions a lot. This is a problem with myself which goes hand in hand with trust. Something else that I am having to learn as an adult. I mean we ALL have attributes to improve on right? I didn't feel like I was smart enough to pursue such a prestigious career path. I also felt fear that I wouldn't be able to afford school and that it would ruin my family (i.e. Andrew and I would end in divorce...)
Therefore, I second guessed this revelation over and over. I tried forgetting about it (hence my pursuance to become a nurse) and denying this to be revelation. Well, it kept coming up at random when I wasn't even thinking about it.
What happened next? Well, I received the revelation AGAIN that I for the last time need to pursue in becoming a doctor. This last personal revelation was more like a warning that I needed to stop pushing it off and denying it. I felt that Heavenly Father has faith in me. He obviously KNOWS I can do it otherwise why would he keep urging me? Therefore, ever since, I have been kicked into overdrive and have done a lot of soul searching.
What have I found? Thanks for asking. :) I decided to start a blog titled "My road to Dr. Kicenski" because I feel that writing all my feelings and experiences along the way will clear out the clutter in my brain that causes me to doubt. I hope maybe I can encourage someone else too...if not, at least help you understand and get to know me better.
My friends, I don't know the exact reason why I am to pursue in becoming a doctor. I can't tell you why the urgency from such a divine being. I can't tell you, I can only hope to be able to understand for myself in the end when I am a doctor practicing medicine. I have a strong feeling and knowledge that it has to do with my family. My future family: My children. I need to be prepared. At all costs. I don't know why; but, that's why it's great. I don't have the road map and the plan: God (Heavenly Father) does.
My soul searching has caused me to make some goals:
Here they are:
1. Be in a state University within Kentucky (hopefully) by Fall 2014 (What's it going to take for me to get there? Small goals listed below):
A. Finish my online program for my high school diploma
B. Take my ACT
C. Study out all the universities I'd like to attend in the meantime and find out all I can about their pre-med program and apply
D. Find out what the medical schools require as in Pre-req's go so I can prepare for it and also check into the MD/PhD and DO/PhD program.
I have a lot of work to do. I am willing to work through it. A part of me has started going back to that doubting part where I deny this revelation. I know it's my lack in self confidence. I really need to stop thinking negatively about myself and my intelligence.
Which leads me to my next announcement. I have told a few select people about this pursuit of becoming a doctor and some have expressed concern about 'what happens if' scenarios which have played a dark game of chess in my mind. Friends, I don't know what the future will hold out for me as far as options go...I MUST have faith in Heavenly Father that as long as I am faithful to Him; that He will in return be faithful to me and my family. I want more than anything to be a mother to Andrew and I's future children. On top of all else, I have always been a "mother" first (though I don't quite have children yet). However, I KNOW that I need to pursue this education and with that revelation and knowledge of the gospel, I KNOW He will guide and direct my course. Andrew and I's course. He will guide and direct. I MUST rely on this faith and encouragement to make it.
Right now, Andrew and I are in a good spot, we don't have children and don't have those excess worries on our shoulders.
I appreciate the concern, I do. I ask that you please consider that this decision from the brief explanation I gave wasn't made lightly. I have done loads and loads of research and have definitely done my best to look at the scale in all angles. This is a decision I know will affect my life and the life of others around me. I am REQUIRED to be smart about this whole decision. Thankfully, Andrew supports me and OBVIOUSLY the whole time I have had my biggest fan, God, rooting for me and not giving up on me even after I had for so long given up on myself. Since He knows I can do it; than, I know I can do it.
Anyway, my goals that I shared with you will be accomplished this year so that I will be ready to apply for the Fall 2014 semester in the Fall of 2013 or Winter Semester in 2014. <3
So, here's to the future and the new year! Wow, a whole new year to start fresh. I love it. It's like turning over a new leaf. My new leaf happens to be promising...which depends on my footsteps.
Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful week. I will write when I discover something new or really need to write!
Signing off,
Becoming Dr. Kicenski
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